Design, Build & Ship; Privacy, Security & Automation.
もしかしたら、僕には感情面でとても情熱的で、優しく導いてくれるような彼女が必要なのかもしれない。自分でも気づかないうちに失ってしまった「愛されることへの自信」や「人を愛する力」を、少しずつでも取り戻すためには、そんな存在が必要なんだと思う。
正直に言うと、僕は今、感情に対してどこか鈍くて、無関心に近い状態にある。いわゆる“emotional indifference”と呼ばれるものかもしれない。それは自分で選んだわけではなく、きっと心を守るために身につけてしまったもの。でも、その代償はとても大きい。とても、苦しい。
僕は、両親以外の誰かからの愛情や好意を、うまく受け取ることができない。言葉の裏にある優しさや、さりげない思いやり、目に見えない「愛してる」というサインに気づけない。そして気づけないからこそ、うまく応えられない。
その結果、すれ違いや誤解が生まれ、関係が崩れてしまう——そんなパターンを、何度か繰り返してしまった。
でも、だからこそ僕は学びたい。
たとえ今の自分が不器用で、どう反応していいか分からなくても、それでも少しずつ、感情に対する「応答の仕方」を学んでいきたい。
恋愛に対しても、仕事や勉強に向き合うのと同じくらい真剣でありたいと思っている。
感情だからといって、曖昧にしたり、成り行きに任せるのではなく、しっかりと向き合い、責任を持ちたい。
そして、そのためには——恋愛・学業・仕事、この三つのバランスを自分の中でしっかりと見極め、それぞれにふさわしい時間の配分と優先度を考えなければならないと思っている。
どれか一つでも崩れてしまえば、他の二つにまで悪影響が出てしまう。それほど、自分にとってはどれも大切な要素だ。 #life #daily
正直に言うと、僕は今、感情に対してどこか鈍くて、無関心に近い状態にある。いわゆる“emotional indifference”と呼ばれるものかもしれない。それは自分で選んだわけではなく、きっと心を守るために身につけてしまったもの。でも、その代償はとても大きい。とても、苦しい。
僕は、両親以外の誰かからの愛情や好意を、うまく受け取ることができない。言葉の裏にある優しさや、さりげない思いやり、目に見えない「愛してる」というサインに気づけない。そして気づけないからこそ、うまく応えられない。
その結果、すれ違いや誤解が生まれ、関係が崩れてしまう——そんなパターンを、何度か繰り返してしまった。
でも、だからこそ僕は学びたい。
たとえ今の自分が不器用で、どう反応していいか分からなくても、それでも少しずつ、感情に対する「応答の仕方」を学んでいきたい。
恋愛に対しても、仕事や勉強に向き合うのと同じくらい真剣でありたいと思っている。
感情だからといって、曖昧にしたり、成り行きに任せるのではなく、しっかりと向き合い、責任を持ちたい。
そして、そのためには——恋愛・学業・仕事、この三つのバランスを自分の中でしっかりと見極め、それぞれにふさわしい時間の配分と優先度を考えなければならないと思っている。
どれか一つでも崩れてしまえば、他の二つにまで悪影響が出てしまう。それほど、自分にとってはどれも大切な要素だ。 #life #daily
This post is automatically published via IFTTT's automation scheduled task service mirror/pulling my Mastodon's status feed contents from the account of [email protected] under a systematic crawling interval of 1 hour configured by default. #life #note #thought
Last updated at: March 17, 2025 at 03:58PM
Happy new year from Shanghai! 🥳🥳🥳
This post is automatically published via IFTTT's automation scheduled task service mirror/pulling my Mastodon's status feed contents from the account of [email protected] under a systematic crawling interval of 1 hour configured by default. #life #note #thought
Last updated at: January 1, 2025 at 12:07AM
This post is automatically published via IFTTT's automation scheduled task service mirror/pulling my Mastodon's status feed contents from the account of [email protected] under a systematic crawling interval of 1 hour configured by default. #life #note #thought
Last updated at: January 1, 2025 at 12:07AM
I ordered a large Caramel Macchiato which is arguably one of the all time classic yet my favorite drink despite I didn’t finish it due to a prior monster boost the night before the midterm.
English version as followed (translated via ChatGPT),
"Didn’t I warn you a long time ago not to mess around with others? Why do you still not listen to me? Why are you chatting with others every day and not coming to find me? Do you know how hard it is for me to stare at the chat box waiting for new messages every day? Why don’t you come to find me? Is it because others look better than I do? Are you tired of me? Or do you think my personality is bad? Do you think my voice is unpleasant? Do you find me annoying? I’ve clearly been trying hard to not bother you. I’ve been waiting for you to message me. Why do you keep leaving me aside? Why are you distancing yourself from me? Is it because he has a better relationship with you? Why do you only have eyes for others and not for me? What do others have that I don’t? I want to stab you! Stab you! Stab you! Stab you! Stab you! Stab you! Stab you! Stab you! Stab you! Stab you! Stab you! Stab you! Stab you! Stab you! Stab you! Stab you! Stab you! Stab you! Stab you! Stab you! Stab you! Stab you! Stab you! Stab you! Stab you! Stab you! Stab you!"
我不是早就警告过你不要乱跟别人玩了吗？为什么你还是不听我的？为什么你每天都在跟别人一起聊天也不来找我？你知道我每天盯着聊天框等着新消息有多难受吗？为什么不来找我？是因为别人长得比我好看吗？你看腻我了？还是觉得我性格不好？我讲话很难听？觉得我很烦？我明明已经努力忍着不烦你了，我一直在等着你给我发消息，为什么你却天天把我晾在一边？你为什么要疏远我？是不是他跟你关系太好了？为什么你的眼里只有别人没有我？别人到底哪里比我好了？我要捅死你！捅死你！捅死你！捅死你！捅死你！捅死你！捅死你！捅死你！捅死你！捅死你！捅死你！捅死你！捅死你！捅死你！捅死你！捅死你！捅死你！捅死你！捅死你！捅死你！捅死你！捅死你！捅死你！捅死你！捅死你！捅死你！捅死你！捅死你！捅死你！捅死你！捅死你！！！ #daily #fun
Source: via YunYouJun's Public Group.
In order to prove my real identity as a human being, I have verified my identity with a GPG public key hosted on Toshiki's GPG key server (@andatoshiki) with my dominant ownership of domain both www.toshiki.dev and key.toshiki.dev alongside https secure protocal; I on behalf of my websites validates I am legitimately a cute, living human loli on Earth, you can pull and import my GPG public keys onto your local machine with the following command using cURL as followed, or manually save my public GPG key to a
*.asc file as pasted in raw file as followed in order to establish a line of secure communication with encryption!wget https://toshiki.dev/andatoshiki-gpg-public-key.asc | gpg --import *.asc-----BEGIN PGP PUBLIC KEY BLOCK-----
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-----END PGP PUBLIC KEY BLOCK-----Yep, seems like GitHub is entirely experiencing service outage at this particular moment due to some random non-distinguishable causes. https://ift.tt/Wk2lStm
This post is automatically published via IFTTT's automation scheduled task service mirror/pulling my Mastodon's status feed contents from the account of [email protected] under a systematic crawling interval of 1 hour configured by default. #life #note #thought
Last updated at: August 15, 2024 at 07:34AM
This post is automatically published via IFTTT's automation scheduled task service mirror/pulling my Mastodon's status feed contents from the account of [email protected] under a systematic crawling interval of 1 hour configured by default. #life #note #thought
Last updated at: August 15, 2024 at 07:34AM
That's exactly how Marlboro's advertising strategy ought to be publicized to all smokers that inattentively pays a reckless 10 dollar bill to some corner liquor shop on an average of 1-2 day-basis, costly yet deadly, I know exactly what breathed into my lungs. https://ift.tt/tU5ObhF
This post is automatically published via IFTTT's automation scheduled task service mirror/pulling my Mastodon's status feed contents from the account of [email protected] under a systematic crawling interval of 1 hour. #life #note #thought
Last updated at: August 13, 2024 at 08:02PM
This post is automatically published via IFTTT's automation scheduled task service mirror/pulling my Mastodon's status feed contents from the account of [email protected] under a systematic crawling interval of 1 hour. #life #note #thought
Last updated at: August 13, 2024 at 08:02PM
Easter egg: The song/music page spontaneously updates the songs I listen on Spotify and Last FM simultaneously scrobbles the real time data of my real time listening track or album information then transmit the data through Netlify serverless edge functions for storing live data of my recent songs in Google firebase databases.
Homepage: https://toshiki.dev
Reference: https://twitter.com/NintendoCoLtd/status/1787736518762881197
